The Leviathan Grook.
|  |
| C l o s u r e | |||
Here's a letter that I wrote to a friend who started me on the ADD rampage.  Date: Sun, 03 May 1998 00:03:26 +0800 To: "Teresa." From: "Vinc Wong." Subject: Re: Another possible angle Hi, Teresa. I reread your mail again, and this point struck me: >>The main distinction is that ADD is >>life-long, while bipolar conditions generally start no sooner than >>the teens. That is indeed the case for me, that my depressions did not start until I was fifteen and started realising that i wasn't as good as my peers ( i was streamed into the least academically inclined class of my level ). Other parts of ADD fit my life-long pattern, except for the part about being unfocussed in almost every situation. I mean that my attention span is not uncontrollable, in fact i can and do focus it very well when i choose to and have been able to do it all my life. so i thought ADD wasn't really the perfect/right explanation for the way i am. In fact cyclothymia explains my moods more perfectly, than ADD did... Except that cyclothymia doesn't say why: a. I have so many ideas editing this mail that this mail is getting forever to get finished. SO MANY offshooting trails and sparks of thought everytime i re-read a sentence. b. It also doesn't explain why also my psychomotor skills are not as good as they really should be, why I really think very differently concept/judgement/organising-wise from most people, especially my brother. <<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<--<2 Because i am different, i didn't fit in, and now I have mood disorder to boot. Now why am i different? ADD could have been the root of the difference. But ADD didn't fit the bill entirely. So i considered giftedness/creativity to be another possible explanation instead. My distractedness/absentmindedness could be explained, not by an inability to focus, but by the fact that too many ideas all equally interesting are flashing in my head past like whirling dervishes. After some research, I think that ADD, giftedness, bipolar conditions, and the INTP temperament all encourage creativity and relate closely to it, relate closely to my condition. They are my differences and result in my inabilities to fit in, which cause my depressions... which then loop back to reinforce my differences and social ineptness... its a vicious circle. Analogy: It starts off as a figure 9. the tail of the nine is the origin of my mood disorder, then it tailspins into self reinforcing circles and turns the nine into an infinity symbol, a figure 8 lying down. And by the time it turns into an 8, I can't figure out where the origins are anymore. <<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<--<3 I think the key to sorting out the whole mess is to use intuition and mental shortcuts ( heuristics ) to narrow down the right thoughts to chase down. Now, more and more completely, I am having to use my intuition in all parts of my life to get by. Life didn't use to be so complicated, so i could get by on my limited intelligence. But now not anymore. Intuition Applied here: At this point I am very confused, and am starting to lose the lines seperating my research topics from each other. The thread that keeps them all together is creativity. I will have to devote a lot of time, maybe the rest of my life, studying their differences. But, intuitively i feel that i have finished my search. I started out trying to find the reasons for my depressive bouts. I ended up in all the research topics I've mentioned, all of them linked in some way to creativity. ... Intuitively, I am satisfied that I am different enough in such complementary ways in that I share traits with many geniuses in history. My depressions aren't bad things, in fact most people would probably desire them, if they could have the resultant benefits without the debilitating bits. My self esteem has been quite healthy recently as a result. I must be getting one of them hypomania moods again. If anyone asks me what the h*ll is my problem, I shall be able to answer cryptically - Well, my problem is that I'm an infinity symbol, an incumbent 8. I'm hopelessly complex, and I've always got the same question that needs answering. This question is answered differently at different times, depending on what instruments have caught my fancy. These instruments may be religion, psychology, quantum physics, or philosophy. I feel like I'm writing a story of my life, finding meaning, when I unravel my 8 differently each time. The question is : Who am I ? At least two people close to me already know I've solved this problem using religion. I want to stop being so self absorbed. I wish I can remember so I don't have to keep looking. Thanks for listening ~! vinc. |
. |
The Razor's Edge A Possible ADDer Speaks ~!
 Metacognition Websites In closing, please check this out. Very Important ~! This paper says everything I've been exploring in much greater ( much, much ) detail. Some comments overheard : "Wow.." "Great..." "Yeehah..." "Giddiyap ~!" The last two comments were made to Intuet. More stuff to grook. I think I've found a very rich vein in this url. Soon to come: pages dealing with By the way, closure on my MBTI dictates that I tell you this : I'm an infp in actual fact. Uh-huh. Don't ask me how I know. Member Sites by Teresa Gallagher. One word: grook. by Catherine Woodgold. She's got great pages about memory as it applies to ADDers. by Jan Upton. These folks are involved in shifting a new paradigm in education. The author challenges the conventional wisdom about ADD. by Ann. operated by Lynne the Listkeeper. The list is a place where people do their grooking about ADD-related stuff. If you've ADD, or suspect you have, or maybe the two terms apply to someone you know, git on this list. It will do you a world of good. by Catherine Jamieson. Attention Deficit Disorder is a gift. Read her links. by Vinc Wong. Me, moi, yours truly. |
|
|
. |
 The author is a member of
|
Member of the Explorer Webstar ~!  . Pluralitas non est ponenda sine neccesitate All rights reserved. Copyright � 1998 by Vinc Wong Chee Wai. |  |